I don't know what in the world is going on with me lately....I keep having this
overwhelming feeling at random moments throughout my day. They are good feelings, don't worry. But at the same time, I have to just sit down and cry sometimes. It's hard to adjust when you get married. Especially if your like us and you decide to live near one family, and not an equal distance from both. There are adjustments around the holidays that are hard because you both grow up with traditions and neither one is really excited about having to give up theirs. But you do, because that's just what has to happen. I am such a creature of habit. My parents still live in the house that I grew up in because I would just die if they moved. They have asked me a
hand full of times if I would be
ok with the idea of them moving somewhere else. Absolutely not. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I never got to go back there. This will be our 3rd holiday season as a married couple. The holidays are getting easier and easier for me, I have adjusted to the idea of going to Houston to spend the holidays with that side of our family. I like the idea. We don't get to see them that much and I really can't wait to go be surrounded by all of my
nieces and nephews. There's that overwhelming feeling again...I love them all so much, and I don't know how to tell them. We have 9
nieces and 5 nephews on that side of our family. I am so thankful for all of them, including Jared's 4 sisters, brother and all of their spouses. They are a great family to be a part of. One of our sweet nephews,
Peyton, has a tumor on his brain stem. They found it last year, when he was about 6 and half. I won't go into the medical terms, because I don't know them. I can't remember them, I don't understand them. I'm not going to insult him or his family by trying to talk about something that I don't get....but I know this much. It breaks my heart every single day to think about it. He isn't doing very well anymore and I don't really know how to deal with it, other than pray about it and know that I will get to see him again when my time here is over. That is really comforting, when I can actually look at the big picture. But as for right now I have so much regret. I regret that we live so close to my family and we don't get to see the
Carruths, the
Rickers, the
Stocktons,
Charite, Sarah, and Rosario often. I haven't gotten the chance to become the aunt to them that I should be. I'm not good at just calling the kids up to have a conversation, I hate that about myself. I don't even know what to say, I regret that. I hate to think that they don't know how much they mean to me and how special they all are to me. All 14 of them. I hope that they know. I hope they don't think I am as crappy of an aunt as I think I am. There are a lot of things that led to me being baptized into the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But the biggest one is Peyton. I made a little prayer, at the time I called it a deal, with God the day we found out about Peyton. We knew that things didn't look great for him and time wasn't really on his side but I promised that I would be baptized if he could just get better. That was so dumb of me, BUT he has been doing well for a long time now, and I'm a member of the greatest church that I have ever known. Watching Robert and Jenna deal with this has taught me more than any class that I have ever been in. The faith that they have is undeniable. Much of my testimony is built on their faith, they know for a fact that they will all be with Peyton again. They are sealed for time and all eternity. And now that I am a member, my family can have that too. I get to be a part of the
Ricker family for FOREVER. That's the greatest blessing that I can think of. I love my family and I am thankful for them everyday, even if I am bad at letting them know it.
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